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I secretly hate my marriage. Am I wrong for that?
You're allowed to question a life you once prayed for
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How is it that I wanted the wedding more than the marriage?
It’s easier to imagine getting married than being married
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What if I had doubts before the wedding, but married them anyway?
Then forgive yourself for not having the answers you have now
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What if I love my spouse but hate being married to them?
Then find out what needs to change besides the person you're with
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What if I chose a good person, but not my person?
Someone can be good to you without being good for you
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When did my spouse start feeling like a roommate?
When you were being understood by people who knew you less
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Why am I fantasizing about being single again?
You miss when love didn't feel like work
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What if I wasted the best years of my life in this marriage?
Nothing's wasted when it's teaching you something
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I can't tell if I'm fighting for my marriage or afraid to admit it's over.
Ask yourself if you're fighting together or fighting alone
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Why the thought of starting over again scare me more than staying unhappy?
You've made peace with being unhappy, but not with being alone
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I’m more afraid getting divorced than being in a unhappy marriage. How?
You'd rather carry a familiar pain than risk an unfamiliar one
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Why am I hoping they'll do something so bad so I can leave?
So their guilt can take away yours
Moral
You can mean your Vows and still question your marriage
Nobody walks down the aisle expecting to become unhappy with the person waiting at the other end. You stand there believing you know what you're promising.
You picture the home you'll share, the years you'll grow old together, the comfort of having someone who will always be yours.
But there's something about marriage that a wedding can’t prepare you for: Financial differences. The disrespect. The arguments that don’t get resolved. The loneliness of not being seen or heard etc.
Now you struggle to explain why coming home sometimes feels harder than leaving for work. Someone doesn't have to be mean to you to feel lonely.
You don't have to stop loving them to start resenting the life you've built together. And you’re sure as hell don't need a divorce to wonder what being alone feels like.
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There's a difference between two people going through a difficult season and one person spending years trying to keep a marriage alive.
Difficulty is not proof that something is failing. It’s an indication that something is missing. That something comes from the very thing that invites us to fall in love in the first place. Even all over again.
You miss being someone’s curiosity.
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Let me repeat that: You miss being someone’s curiosity. Instead, you question yourself: Was I too young? Did I ignore the signs? Did I choose the wrong person? Is this all a waste?
But here’s the thing, you're asking questions today that the person you were back then couldn't have known to ask.
You don't have to regret the person you were to be honest about the person you've become.
The question isn't whether your marriage disappointed you. But whether the two of you can still be honest about what's missing.
Before you decide what your marriage means, find out if your partner is carrying a loneliness they’re too ashamed to admit.
The most important conversations are often the ones you're afraid to start. All that matters is what happens when the truth finally enters the room.
✧
Know this:
Marriage isn't always about choosing the right person. Sometimes it's about discovering parts of yourselves you didn't know existed when you first said “I do.”
Be Curious Again
Until The Next Question,
- SEAWZDM